And I'm telling you that I met the man twice.
And I recommended a pre-emptive Exocet missile strike against his air force, so I think I know how Leo : They hang up on me every time. J : That's almost hard to believe. Sam : Ms. O'Brien, I understand your feelings, but please believe me when I tell you that I'm a nice guy having a bad day. I just found out the Times is publishing a poll that says a considerable portion of Americans feel the White House has lost energy and focus. A perception that's not likely to be altered by the video footage of the President riding his bicycle into a tree.
A good friend of mine's about to get fired for going on television and making sense, and it turns out I accidentally slept with a prostitute last night. Now would you please, in the name of compassion, tell me which one of those kids is my boss's daughter? Mallory : That would be me. Sam : You. Mallory : Yes. Sam : Leo's daughter's fourth-grade class. Sam : Well, this is bad on so many levels. Josh Lyman : Toby— Toby : It doesn't! If I'm gonna make you sit through this preposterous exercise, we're gonna get the names of the damn Commandments right! Mary Marsh : Okay, here we go.
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Toby : "Honor thy father" is the Third Commandment! Van Dyke : Then what's the First Commandment? Bartlet : "I am the Lord your God; thou shalt worship no other god before me. Van Dyke : If our children can buy pornography on any street corner for five dollars, isn't that too high a price to pay for free speech? Bartlet : No. Van Dyke : Really? Bartlet : On the other hand, I do think that five dollars is too high a price to pay for pornography. May I have some coffee, Mr. Al, how many times have I asked you to denounce the practices of a fringe group that calls itself The Lambs of God?
It is up to you, Al. Twenty-eight years ago, I come home from a very bad day at the State House. I get in the station wagon and put it in reverse, and pull out of the garage full speed. Abbey told me to not drive while I was upset and she was right. It seems my granddaughter, Annie, had given an interview in one of the teen magazines. So I want you to tell me from what part of the Holy Scripture do you suppose the Lambs of God drew their Divine inspiration when they sent my 12 year-old granddaughter a Raggedy Ann doll with a knife stuck through its throat?
And until you do, you can all get your fat asses out of my White House. Mary Marsh : I believe we can find the door. Bartlet : Find it now. Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc [ edit ] Lloyd Russell : [referring to his Presidential run, speaking to Mandy, who just drove her car onto a curb] It wasn't going to happen. Mandy : You know what the worst part about this is?
Lloyd Russell : Well, I think you dinged up your suspension pretty good.
Mandy : No, Lloyd, it's the party they're having, right now, in the West Wing, at my expense. Lloyd Russell : They're not having a party in the West Wing. Mandy : I've worked with these people for two and a half years.
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They like to win and they like to gloat. Lloyd Russell : I'm sure you're wrong. Mandy : I'm sure I'm not. Lloyd Russell : There are very serious people working at the White House. A blow is struck for party unity today, there's no cause to gloat. Great day in the morning, people, victory is mine. Donna : Morning Josh. Josh : I drink from the keg of glory, Donna. Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land. Toby : Mrs.
Landingham, does the President have free time this morning? Landingham : The President has nothing but free time, Toby.
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Right now he's in the residence eating Cheerios and enjoying Regis and Kathie Lee. Should I get him for you? Toby : Sarcasm's a disturbing thing coming from a woman of your age, Mrs. Landingham : What age would that be, Toby? Toby Late twenties? Landingham: Atta boy. Toby : Can I have a cookie? Landingham : No. Landingham : Good morning, Sam. Sam : Good morning.
Landingham : Have a cookie, Sam. Bartlet : I've got an intelligence briefing, a security briefing, and a minute budget meeting all scheduled for the same 45 minutes. You sure this is a good time to talk about my sense of humor? Bartlet : Me neither. Bartlet : I know. Toby : We're talking about Texas, sir. Sam : It was big hats. Bartlet : It makes a difference.
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Josh : We got whomped in Texas twice. Bartlet : I think I was there. Bartlet : C.